Thursday, August 24, 2006

The Fat Lady sings

Mills of the gods

The Astronomers in Prauge have once agin reversed course and have now revoked Pluto's planetary status. I could write a lot about this, but I promised my wife no more Pluto blogs. So now that the Astronomers have spoken I think it is time to turn our attention to other things that need to be demoted.

1.William Henry Harrison needs to be dumped from the list of Presidents, he only served a month and did nothing.He is much less signifigant in his genere than Pluto is in its.

2. The Hanging Gardens of Babylon should be dropped from the list of what now will be called the Seven Wonders of the World. There is not any evidence that it really existed and waht is so "wonderful" about a garden, even if it hangs.

3. The tomato (or tomato depeneding on how you pronounce it) should be dropped from the list of fruits. Fruits are something that you can put in a paper sack lunch and can hope will emerge whole. Tomatos are something that goes in a salad or on a hamburger. You can't put fruit on a hamburger.

4. Hawaii should be dropped from the 50 states. It is too far away and not part of the North American continenent. Plus you have to go through vegetable customs when you get there. may as well stamp your passport.

5.Shemp should be dropped from the Three Stooges, he was never funny. Stooges films with Shemp will now be called the Two Stooges.

6.Antartica should be dropped from the list of continents for the same reason we kicked Hawaii off their list. It is two far away. For that matter, either Europe or Asia needs to be dropped from the list of continents. It is all the same land mass. The Ural Mountain dividing line is bogus. why don't we just call everything west of the Rockies the "West American" continenet.

7.Judas needs to be dropped from the list of the tweleve apostles, I mean ,hell, what more do you have to do to get kicked off of a list ?

8. The Holy Roman Empire needs to be dropped from all lists of things Holy, Roman or Empireish" as it was none of those.

9.Licorece needs to be dropped from candy you can buy at the movies. It is gross stuff and is only there because movie theatres are too lazy to order anything new. That probably goes for most of the candy at the Theatre.

10.Rye needs to be dropped from the list of whiskeys. No one has ordered a shot of Rye Whiskey at a bar in over 100 years.

There are thousands more, but let's start with those.


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