Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Nobelest Profession

Mills of the gods

The best thing about being a lawyer is that someone in my profession does something, almost daily, to amuse or outrage the public. Somehow, Antoine Yates of New York managed to hire a lawyer to file a suit against New York City and its police deparment for illegally searching his fifth floor apartment when it happened to find his full grown alligaotor (Al) and his adult tiger (Ming). A neighbor had reported Mr Yates to the police because they heard his screaming coming from his apartment. Yates answered the door badly mauled, but convinced the police that a pit bull had bitten him. On the way out, the family who reported the incident said that their daughter had been shown a full grown tiger living in the apartment and that copious amounts of tiger urine had dripped through their ceiling from above.

Upon further investigation, the Police found not only the tiger, but also the previously mentioned 8 foot alligator. They arrested Mr. Yates for reckless endangerment of the community. He sued because when he returned from jail there was an amount of money and a rabbit missing from his apartment. It was probably the missing rabbit which lead the Judge to dismiss the case. What is the life expectancy of a rabbit sharing a fifth floor apartment with a tiger and an alligator ? Can you imagine how desperate a lawyer would have to be to take a case like that ? Judge, we want to be compensated by the city for the loss of our rabbit ?

The most intriguing part of the case was the report of copious amounts of tiger urine draining into the 4th floor. How long did that family put up with that ? Can you imagine how much a full grown tiger must urinate a day ? I won't even go into what the smell on the fifth floor must have been. And how big are these New York apartments ? I have a golden retreiver that is too big for my house ? I can't imagine where I'd stash an alligator and a Tiger.


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