Friday, September 15, 2006

Killer Grannies

Mills of the gods

I like to think I am pretty well informed. How I missed the killer grannies insurance fraud out in L.A. I will never know. I only discovered it yesterday when the attorney for sister in law murder suspects Helen Golay (75) and Olga Rutterscmidt (73) was turned down on his motion to (among other things) allow the ladies to sleep until 7:00 and pluck their eye brows before court appearances. I could have told the lawyer what any Judge would do with a motion like that and saved the fellow a lot of time.

It seems that Helen and Olga have been befriending homeless men and then getting them to take out life insurance policies with, you guessed it, Helen and Olga as the benficiaries.Why these homeless suckers fell for this scam perpetrated by two women with apparently abnormally thick eye brows is beyond me. All it cost them was their lives ,as Helen and Olga proceeded to then run them over in back alleys (two years after the application) and collect the proceeds. They were owed over Two million when the authorities got suspicious.Now they are in jail awaiting trial and growing their eyebrows back.

What this does ,of course, is calls for a remake and update of "Arsnic and Old Lace",set in L.A. this time with the two sweet sisters mowing homeless men down in alleys instead of poisoning them with elderberry wine.I can see Mr. Tom Hanks in the Cary Grant role (Mortimer), running around the house like a mad man when he finds the dead bodies in the cellar.

You begin to wonder about the Insurance Industry as a whole when you think of these applications sailing through underwriting. What is the life expectancy of a homeless man ?Premiums must have been huge. How did they think he would pay for the policy. ?Maybe they never saw him to get tipped off, but didn't the alley address raise a red flag ? Or maybe the fact that the benficiaries were a couple of ladies in their 70s with no relationship to the homeless guys ?

And then the murders. It is hard to take out a guy in an alley with a car. I know that 75 year old women are capable of a lot, but really. What if the last site you ever saw in life was Aunt Bea bearing down on you in a 1965 Impalla ? I assume that your last thought would be "OH, that's what they wanted the Life Insurance for ! "

So here we have a hell of a crime and the makings of a great movie. It is just too bad that Francis Bavier is not alive to play the part she was born to play.


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