Monday, September 25, 2006

Mills of the gods

A New Mouth

I went in for my semi-annual teeth cleaning, only four months late, today. I must have needed it pretty badly because afterwards I was shocked to see all of those gaps between my teeth. I suppose no one likes the dentist. Even when it does not hurt, it is still boring and uncomfortable. It does give you a lot of time to think though and I thought I'd share some of the thoughts that went trhough my head while a fellow human being took a very sharp object and scraped it along my teeth for half an hour.

1. let's see, if she cleans six people a day, that's fiften hours a week she spends with her hands in someone else's mouth. That works out to about 750 hours for an average year and 22500 hours over a thirty year career. Hmmm, that means that she spends probably three years of 24 hour days over her entire life with her hands in other people's mouths.

2. Wonder what set that Clinton off yesterday ? Wonder how close he came to punching that smirk off of Chris Wallace's face ?

3. So this woman killed her best friend, and cut the seven month fetus from her stomach and then killed her friend's other three children, leaving them in a washer/dryer to slowly decompose. Wonder if she will use an insanity defense ?

4. If they can make this teeth polish stuff taste like chocolate, why can't they make it taste like Bourbon ?

5.What am I going to do with my late nights now that Letterman's Ventriloquist week is over ?

6. Most of the time spent removing things from our bodies over the course of our lives involves our teeth and hair.

7. I wonder if that Pope would get better press if he did not "summer" at "Castle Gandolfo" ? Sounds like something out of the Lord of the Rings.

8.Why does my dental hygenist listen to Sammy & Bob ? this is like listening to a couple of drunk baboons . If she is trying to torture me why doesn't she just put on tapes of fingernails on chalk boards and make me listen to that through a head set ?

9. Oh yeah, I guess we spend most of the time removing things from our body on finger and toe nails, I forgot about those.

10. Maybe I should count blowing my nose as removing things also ? Wonder how much time I spend blowing my nose each year ?


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