Thursday, September 07, 2006

Paris Hilton D.U.I.

Mills of the gods

The news this morning brings the delightful news that Paris Hilton was arrested last night for D.U.I. The article I read stated that the media was very interested in whether she was handcuffed or not. You would think that with the hundreds of people who follow these "celebs" around, someone would have gotten a picture of her being cuffed. Her publicity agent (she needs one of these ? talk about wasted money) said that the test showed her to have registered "the least amount of alcohol consistent with an arrest for DUI. " In other words, she was drunk. Legally drunk. Gassed, snokered, how ever you want to say it, she was drunk while driving an automobile on the public streets of California. Now most of you suspect what I do, that she got caught on purpose so that she can do a whole series of shows from the arrest all the way through the funny community service that the Judge will make her do. She will be wearing one of those orange jump suits with a bunch of other community service folks (alcoholics and the homeless for the most part) and we will get to eavesdrop on her conversations and laugh at the fact that she can't really properly use one of those pointy stick things to pick up litter on the highway. If she can get "shock probation" i.e. 24-48 hours in the slammer before probation, we will have the great scenes of her wearing the blue denim prison garb and being marched off to lunch with her fellow prisoners. We will get to laugh at the idea of Paris eating the slop they serve and if we are lucky, get to see her talk to tough to some dykie looking prisoner who wants Paris to be "her bitch". Then when she is released we will see her weep in the car on the drive home and talk about her ordeal. You watch, she will make more money off of this arrest than you or I will make in a lifetime of work. God, what a great country.

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