Thursday, January 04, 2007

Cops Baffled

Mills of the gods

CNN had a headline this morning which began with the phrase "Cops Baffled". You don't see that much anymore. Back in the days when I read Superman comic books, the Daily Planet often had a headline about the Police of Metropolis being "baffled" over some mystery or another. It took Superman to straighten it out. I never could figure out why Metropolis bothered with a Police department. Superman did all the hard work and the cops spent most of their time being baffled (eluded by shifts and terms, confounded). Metropolis could have saved millions of dollars by disbanding the Police force and letting Superman handle crime, which he did, for free, anyway.

The baffled cops in today's story are in Freehold Township, New Jersey. They are baffled as to just what "mystery object" crashed through the roof of a local home owner into the bathroom and lodged in the wall. The Police say that they hope to know what the object is in 72 hours, which is a long time to stay baffled, even in New Jersey. Superman would have already identified the object, and, unless it was Kryptonite (and there was a 50/50 chance that it would be) figured out how it got there and what dastardly villian was behind it.

The object is described as "rough surfaced with a metalic glint" and "rock like" and "heavier" than it looks. My guess, based on the second description, is that it is some kind of a rock, but what do I know ? The object was found by an unnamed man, who lives in the house, at about 9:00 p.m. Tuesday night. The Police will not release the name of the family who lives in the house, which raises suspicisons that the family could be space aliens and that 72 hours is needed for the Federal Government to move in the army. You may recall that New Jersey is also where the Martians landed in "War of the Worlds". I tend to believe this suspicion because the reported story has a real ring of falsehood to it, sounding exactly like something the CIA would dream up as a cover story.

According to the Associated Press, the guy that found the object, only did so because his mother told him, upon his return from work, that he might want to look around because "something has crashed through the roof, a few hours earlier". Think about it, if you are watching TV and something crashes through your roof one night would you say to yourself, "wow, something crashed through the roof, I guess I will ask Jess to look for it if he ever gets home from work tonight". If Jess had gotten lucky that night, the object would still be unfound.Who waits hours to see what has crashed through their roof ? Aliens, that's who, probably Martians.

The object is the talk of what is being described as an "affluent neighborhood". One fellow, Robert Nalven, said that nothing that exciting had happend in the six years he had lived in the neighborhood. The the A.P. got what is the quote of the new year from Mr Nalven. " I'm happy it didn't hit my house." None of the neighbors would say who the hosue belonged to, meaning that the CIA had already gotten to them (or possibly that it is a secret neighborhood of aliens). However, the FAA has performed an investigation and their spokeswoman has said with certainty "It's definitly not an aircraft part, I can't speak beyond that as to what it might be". Can't, or won't ? That's what I want to know.

The guy who will play the "good scientist" (they always smoked a pipe) when American International makes this into a movie is Carlton Pryor, an astronomer from Rutgers University. Dr Pryor tells us, " It's not all that uncommon to have rocks rain down from heaven." Huh, ? Not all that uncommon maybe if you lived in a Philistine village which stood in the way of the Israleites Exodus from Egypt and had angered Jehovah, but in the twenty first century I find that it is pretty damn unusal for "rocks to rain down from heaven", at least here on planet earth.

The bad news is that we will never know. The government will hush this up and the story will vanish from the press. People who believe in Roswell, New Mexico aliens will talk about it for years, but they will be considered just so many crack pots. What ever it was that broke bath room tiles and bounced into a wall in Freehold, New Jersey will never be explained outside of the pages the "National Enquirer". Robert Nalven, the only neighbor who would talk ? He's a dead man. Dr Pryor ? Within three weeks he will be in a mental institution where he will remain for the rest of his life. That's how those movies always end.


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