Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The bald and the dead

I was late getting back to the office from a deposition and there was no one to eat with. I walked across the street to eat a sandwich at a bar and got to watch almost half of hour of a Florida Court proceeding about Anna Nicole Smith. I thought maybe it was a custody hearing, maybe the dna was back, but no, it was a fight over who gets the body to bury her. I can't figure any of this out. I have never understood burial, much less a fight over the rights to bury someone. I really don't think Anna will care if she ends up in Texas or California or the Bahammas. The view is the same from inside of the box no matter where you are buried. I am going the cremation route, ashes scattered, blowing in the wind for all eternity as my father in law once said. There will be no fight over my body. at least not a fight to get the body. Maybe a fight to get out of having to deal with the body. I can see my wife and daughter urging a hands off approach. Once I'm carted off it will be "out of sight, out of mind". Just stick him in an incinerator for us and wait for the next brisk north wind. No muss, no fuss. And I don't blame them at all. I don't think that they ought to have to deal with the corpse. I'm not that much fun when I'm alive. I imagine that the big sleep will make me less attractive in most respects.

Then the other TV set in the bar reported that Brittney Spears, last seen yesterday checking into a rehab center had just checked out of a rehab center. This is twice that she has gone in for overnight stays. Maybe she is getting shock therapy. I think you can do that in a day. But if you were going to check in, why do it on fat Tuesday ? That's a good day to drink. Today is ash Wednesday, the perfect day to check in. When was the last time you saw a bar run a two for one ash Wednesday special ? No one is partying today. I bet even that Hilton girl is going to stay home and make more sex tapes instead of making the rounds tonight. How quickly times change. If six weeks ago some fan magazine had told you that by February Anna Nicole would be dead and Brittney would be bald, you'd have canceled your subscription.

BY the way, in just six weeks Jennifer Aniston will be pregnant with triplets and sporting a goatee. Count on it.

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