Monday, April 30, 2007

46 pounds of phone messages

Deborah Jean Palfrey, the alleged D. C. madam, has turned over 46 pounds of phone messages to A.B.C. News, in hopes that they will scare up some witnesses for her in her criminal case. 46 pounds. I can't begin to imagine how many sheets of paper that is, I assume that it is thousands of phone messages, each with its own colorful prediliction. Already, Randall Tobias, a top State Department official has had to resign from his job, stating that "gals" were sent over to give him massages, but no sex took place. This would corroborate Palfrey's story that she ran a fantasy service that did not include sex. Right, let's see if any of the hookers, eh, fantasy suppliers, toe the line on that defense when they are offered immunity from any of several charges the prosecutors are holding over their heads. I will represent Palfrey for free if that defense holds up for more than another week.

I volunteer to represent Palfrey because she is trying to fire her legal aid lawyer with whom she claims to have "irreconcilable differences". Probably over the defense that she sold only fantasy in her business. She asked the Judge in her case for $150,000 to get her counsel. That will happen when hell freezes over. But in case it does, I am available to come to D.C. and handle the defense for $150,000. I can't wait to get my hands on those 46 pounds of phone messages and start making calls. A.B.C. intimates that there are some pretty important characters among the "johns", eh, fantasy seekers. Probably make some intersting witness interviews.

My defense would be somewhat different than the one Palfrey is using. I would use the traditional D.C. defense in these matters, the "greater screwing defense". You know the one, someone trots it out every time D.C. has a sex scandal. How can you indict this woman for getting merely thousands screwed when President Bush is screwing 300 million ? It is a tried and true defense. I am sure that we will hear about it even if I am not selected as new defense counsel.

Wouldn't it
be great if Bill Clinton was on the list ? I mean here he has behaved himself for the past 8 or 9 years, and just when his wife is running for president, this could come out. I'm not saying I want to hurt Hillary. I just think that the country could REALLY use a good laugh right now, and I can't think of anything that would be funnier. Plus, it would probably help Hillary. Remember how sorry everyone felt for her during Monicagate ?She could use the boost in sympathy right now.Plus, I could cross examine Bill on the stand, the greatest challange any trial lawyer could face. The most slippery witness of all time. Can't you just hear him say, "Mr. Porter, I guess that depends on what your definition of "fantasy" is. All that fun and $150,000 too. Sign me up.


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