Tuesday, April 03, 2007

'Twas on a Holy Tuesday

There is plenty to write about this morning. The religious right is in an uproar over an artist's depiction of an anatomically correct Jesus, hanging on a cross, made of chocolate (Jesus and the cross are both chocolate). Mr Universe was wrestled to the ground and subdued by the Redlands, California Police at the concession stand of a movie theatre, and a French train set a new speed record by going over 350 mph.But far and away the most important news is that I won my office's NCAA tournament pool. In a sad note, most of the money was stolen out of the drawer of a young associate last week, along with the young man's watch, so my reward is small, but my happiness is unbounded.I am not upset at losing the money because when I was in charge of putting together last December's Bowl Pool, I took the $120 and went drinking with it one afternoon.This is karma, or perhaps payback by those I robbed.I last won the NCAA pool in 1989. There is no way to win the pool, other than play it every year and, statistically, it is sometimes just your turn to win. I expect my next win to be when I am about 75 or so.

But what of the chocolate Jesus ? What about him. ?It is the final blending of the original Easter and the modern Easter.We have turned the savior into a piece of candy that the Easter Bunny might have left. The fact that the Jesus displays a chocolate penis is perhaps a bit over the top, but they laughed at Picasso too.The only question is, what is inside of the chocolate Jesus ? Nugget perhaps ? Making the new eucharist the chocolate and nugget of Jesus, rather than the body and blood. Although, I don't know if you can eat nugget on it's own. I have only seen it inside of candy bars, never as a solo desert. All of this may lead to more modern translations of the Bible. Everyone's favorite verse, "Jesus wept" can be replaced by "Jesus melted". Well, enough of that, it is Holy Tuesday. But remember, this body of Jesus melts in your mouth, not in your hands !

The fact that Mr Universe was subdued by a bunch of cops in California is interesting. You would have thought, with it being Mr Universe and all, they would have had to use one of those dart guns they use on Rhinos. But no, after Mr Universe went into a "fighting stance" the cops were able to subdue him with little trouble. They had come to arrest him for being drunk at a movie. Turns out he was on some new diabetic medication which made him light headed and slur his words. It also made him weak and is probably the reason why they were able to take him down so fast. Despite the unfortunate drug reaction, the City of Redlands still plans on prosecuting him for assault and resisting arrest. I hope that at his trial he will show up in a suit, but midway through it rip it off to reveal the loin cloth that Johnny Weissmuller wore in the court scene of Tarzan's New York Adventure. The greatest Tarzan movie AND the greatest law movie ever made." Tarzan try your justice, it not work, now get Boy. " What a great film.

As far as the French inventing a train that can go over 350 mph, does that surprise anyone ? They have to make the cars big enough to seat the entire French Army so that their battlefield retreats can be made with the utmost dispatch.I hear that the French are upset with the chocolate Jesus though, they believe that a true Jesus would be made with daker chocolate and contain liquer. Se la vis.


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