Wednesday, September 19, 2007

All the news that's fit

Today is my wife's birthday. The one thing she hates is for me to blog about inane events that are reported on CNN. There are so many today that I could not possibly choose. I did not read any of these stories, or I would have been tempted to write on each of them. Believe it or not, here are some headlines I just pulled from CNN, the best financed and most sophisticated of the American news agencies.As God is my witness, each one is currently a headline story.

1. Woman throws baby at Police- well, we've all been there, right ? You get hacked off at some cop and you just want to throw your child at him. This seems like more of a dog bites man story, who cares.

2. man gets stuck in chimney-Actually, that kind of thing probably used to happen all the time. It is much rarer now, but whether it deserves to be a headline story is debateable.Now "man's skeleton found in chimney", that's a story !

3. Students stunned over taser incident-This must be a follow up to a story about some idiot that got himself tasered at a John Kerry speech the other day. He was on the internet screaming 'don't taser me !" As I recall the last election, lots of people would have prefered to be taserd to listening to anything that blow hard had to say.

4. Jackson blasts Obama for acting white-How does one act white ? why would one act white ?

5. Toddler shoots self to death-no fucking comment

6.Are you drinking yourself fat ? I don't have time, I'm too busy eating myself fat, I am drinking myself to liver failure though.

7. Escaped Zebra shocks woman - with a taser ?

8.SWAT team called after alleged Amish threat- I really should have read this one, what do you suppose happened, a bunch of bearded Amish guys threatened somone with their butter churns ?

9. 12 foot alligator brings drivers to a screach-This one does not even make sense. You could bring drivers to a "screaching halt" but do you really think that each driver was brought to a screach, what were they, Parrots ?

10.Bloodied 70 year old woman cuffed for having brown lawn-I would have read this one, but I'm afraid that my mother is somewhere behind the incident.

11.Simpson pays bail-Wait a minute, this is where I came in.


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