Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Harry and the Harrier Hens

Dear Prince Harry,

I see by the papers that you are being investigated for shooting a couple of Harrier Hens on your royal estate.I know that you deny knowing anything about this tragedy, but you do admit that you were hunting with your friend "in the vicinity" when the endangered birds were killed. Maybe it was just another hunting party on the Royal Estate. I imagine that your family leases out the estate to other hunters like our ranchers here in Texas do. It could have been anyone, I suppose, who killed two of the twenty remaining breeding pairs of Harrier Hens left on this earth. Those Royal Estates probably have no security to keep other hunters off of them. I know that poachers have been the bane of royal families over there for a thousand years.

Someone is always making trouble for you at Halloween. Like that time you went to the party dressed up as a Nazi. That was a real knee slapper, and the damn press in Europe took it so seriously ! I mean everyone knows that comedy is "pain plus distance" and it has been almost 65 years since the Holocaust. Jeez, everyone just needs to lighten up.

I suppose that there is some small chance that you and your buddy took out the Harrier Hens. Tell me, are they good eating ? Few people get to eat endangered species anymore. I have been looking for an all you can eat Whooping Crane BBQ over here for years with no luck. How do you prepare Harrier Hen ? You probably have some old recipes that go back to Henry VIII. Back to the days when a Prince was a Prince and no one dared complain if you shot a bird or beat a serf or raped a virgin. How has the royal family managed to sink so low ? And don't blame it on your mother. I'm sure that she'd be damned proud of what a great sportsman you have turned out to be.

By the way, I would like to invite you over for a little birdhunting with one of our leaders. This guy is a great shot. he can hit a friend in the face at less than one hundred yards and get out of Dodge before the press ask any embarrasing questions about manslaughter. I really think that he is your kind of guy. In fact, I think I have even heard you referred to by his first name before. At any rate, God save the Queen ! (and please God, save the Prince of Wales, we can't afford to have this guy on the throne).

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