Wednesday, October 17, 2007

House set to condemn Egyptian Empire

The Forgien Relations Committee of the United States House of Representatives passed, and sent to the floor of the House today, a resolution condemning Pharoh Ramses and the Empire of Egypt for illegally holding in bondage the ancient Israelites. The new resolution comes hard on the withdrawal of a resolution, passed by the same comittee last week, condemning the Ottoman Empire for genocide against the Armenian race following the First World War. That resolution was pulled down after Turkey recalled its ambassador and threatened to shut off of its air space and bases to the United States for use in the perfectly legal and highly ethical war in Iraq.

House Speaker Nancy Pellosi, a strong supporter of both measures said that they did not expect, but did not really care if "we get any shit from the Egyptians" because "we don't use their air bases anyway." Pellosi also hinted that the Israeli lobby has much more staying power than the Armenian lobby and would not "fold like a two dollar fez in a monsoon" if the Egyptians put up a squawk. When confronted, by reporters, with the fact that no one in Israel or the Jewish community in the United States had asked for the new resolution, Pellosi stated, "look, when the people of the United States returned Democratic majorities in both Houses last year, they were saying two things, we want out of the war in Iraq and we want you to condemn every wrong which has been perpetrated on anyone since the beginning of time.This is just a start."

Floor amendments to the Egyptian resolution are expected to weaken it a bit by taking out the personal condemnation of the late Yul Brenner. While some Democrats were said to understand that Brenner was merely an actor who played the part of a Pharoh, and not actually a Pharoh, a hard core of liberals were sticking to their guns, under the theory that "He should be condenmned for even taking such a role."

Tha Ambassador to Egypt, who was resisting a recall to Cairo because, "you just can't get good gin in Moslem countries" pointed out the hypocrisy of a nation, which had slavery only 140 years ago, condemning one that had it 5,000 years ago when "everyone in the civilzed world had slaves. " In response to the Amabssador's statement, a resolution was being drawn up in the House condemning the Confederate States of America and "everyone in the civilized world who lived 5,000 years ago." It was also reported that Pellosi herself, who represents a San Francisco district with a heavy homosexual demographic, was preparing a resolution condemning the deceased actor Norman Fell for "playing the part of a tediously obnoxious homophobic on that sit-com 'Three's Company', back in the 70s." That resolution is expected to meet only limited opposition.

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