Monday, August 11, 2008

Carolina daze

Most beach vacations start to blur into incoherence about day three. Over exposure to the sun, even with adequate screening leaves the mind mushy and, for the most part incapable of any thought more sophisticated than trying to figure out what chair you left your towel on.This one is no exception, except for the fact that everyone I meet here sounds like they stepped out of an old "Shake and Bake" commercial.

Let's say that as a resort, the Sheraton version ranks a bit lowerr than the Four Seasons. On the upside, I'm better looking than most of the people out here which is a huge change from Southern California (see my delightful blog on being the fattest guy on Melrose). Also,while you have to wait in a long line to use the internet at the Four Seasons, you can stroll right up to this one and sit here all day if you like. Other than updating their "My Space" most of the folks here stir clear of anything that does not involve the beach or NASCAR or fireworks. Very street in this town has a huge fireworks store, some open 24 hourrs a day ! Mom, we are short on bottle rockets, pick some up when you make the beer run will you ? I like to wear my Aviara and Troon North resort shirts around the pool here so that people can think I'm slumming (or feel bad as to have far I have fallen vacation wise)Carlsbad has no fireworks stores..

I found a great pair of Nikes for $34 last night, and I don't have to tip the consigner $50 for making a reservation for me. When I asked about a place for some good Carolina BBQ, the desk sent me to a chain place next to a Dillards at a mall.Fortunatly I found my own place, about 45 minutes out of town called "Pig Out".

My biggest disappointment in the place is the pool here, which would be considered small for almost any hotel, much less a 'resort" with 20 buildings packed to the gills with the Taledaga mafia. Most resorts try to maintain quiet and decorum at the pool. At Aviara there is a sign which outlaws any pool games which involve "raising your voice." Just in case no one understands that, it goes on to specifically name "Marco Polo"as being prohibited. Here the pool comes with full blastings of 60s tunes. You could not hear yourself scream Marco Polo. I was driven indoors earlier by the loudest rendition of Davey Jones singing "Cheer up Sleepy Jean" that I have ever heard.Around the pool sit several hundred families, each with at least four kids. They splash around for awhile and then announce to everyone that they are "goin't the beach".You see them drag in about 8:30 defalting all of their floating plastic objects.

All the while, a group of blonde (men and women) twenty somethings are peddling more timeshares to the gullable. Having purchased two such packages in the past from these slick salesmen, my wife banned me from attending any of the sales pitches, even though it means I have to give up 3,000 free points which , in a pinch,could have been used at a Four Points Sheraton in Lubbock.It's like walking away from $60 dollars I told her. No, she replied, it's like finding that you still have $20,000 in your bank account.

One odd thing out here is that every restaraunt is called a "pancake house". There is "Hot Stacks Pancake House, Grand Strand Pancake House, Uncle John's Calabash Seafood and Pamncake House" and any of a number of variations. I sat next to a table of young South Carolinians at a pancake house yesterday morning. They were all thin and ugly with haircuts which seemed to place them in the Army, although none would have passed the mental exam to get in. My favorite one had one a black shirt which said "I may not be Mr Right, but I'll fuck you until he comes along." Man, who writes this stuff ? Who knew that the Carolinas could produce such poetry ?

At any rate, tomorrow is the deep sea fishing trip. That's where we charter a boat and make Stacey and Paul go deep sea fishing while my wife and I get four hours free of being their taxi service. If we are lucky, they will catch dinner as the money is running short and I dread another dinner of Cocoa Puffs. Thank God for Food Lion !


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