Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Baby H

Think about it. You go to the hospital expecting to deliver seven babies and it turns out that eight are born. This must throw all of your pre-natal planning into chaos. You have to go buy another crib and up the order at the diaper service. Suddenly, you have to save an extra quarter million for the unexpected child’s education. And what about names ? You spend months figuring out seven names and suddenly you find that you are not finished. After you have already  used Happy, Sleepy, Dopey, Sneezy, Grumpy, Bashful and Doc, what’s left ?

 

This birth of octuplets out in California is amazing. The babies were delivered in five minutes. Not five minutes each, five minutes. I suppose that was a caesarian, but my wife’s c-section for one child took longer. Of course, she did not have 46 attending medical personnel, but I can’t see how that would help. You can’t get eight pairs of hands in there at one time. I frankly don’t see how you can get 46 people into a birthing room.

 

Some things in life are unimaginable. Having eight newborns is at the top of the list, somewhere between seeing an elephant fly and an image of Jesus on a tortilla. No one could cope with that. I am not sure if five parents could cope with that. Your first thought is probably to get them all over to Pet Smart’s adoption center with the other litters and see how many you can get rid of without having to pay for their shots. But then, I suppose that you calm down and start trying to open negotiations with cable T.V., or , at the very least a Child Psychology Department at a University who will promise eight scholarships in return for lifetime study privileges. Unless this family owns a diamond mine, I don’t see how they are going to be able to afford this. I certainly hope that they have health insurance.

 

Can you even begin to imagine the teen years ? Eight bodies of raging hormones rampaging through your house at all hours of the day and night. That’s the kind of thing that will make you miss the days of the eight little darlings all crying at once demanding to be fed. I suppose that breast feeding is out of the question, unless in these tough economic times you were able to find five or six wet nurses at a good price.

 

But then there is the silver lining. Eight kids contributing to your retirement. Hopefully your early retirement. With eight kids there are bound to be a few responsible ones who won’t let you lie in a gutter during your golden years. They know how you have sacrificed ! Once they all move out you can turn the enormous house you are going to have to buy into a bed and breakfast. Can you imagine how wonderful the silence will be when the last kid goes out on his own. The peace which passeth all understanding.

 

I hope that everything works out for this family, that the kids make it through these first few weeks happy and  healthy and that they don’t necessarily have to end up on an MTV reality show. But most of all I hope their mother does not have to answer the obnoxious question the reporter asked one of their doctors this morning, “Were fertility drugs involved ?”

1 Comments:

Blogger Jannie Funster said...

Wow, amazing. I too wish them all health and prosperity.

I think the Child Psychology ifetime study privileges would be the way to go, if such a gig could be landed.

A couple months ago I stumbled on an Austin blogger who is pregnant with 6. I forget when she's due. And I lost track of her blog.

My-oh-my.

I would've liked to have had twins, as I'm sure many women wish.

1:47 PM  

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