Escape From Myanmar
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. Genesis 3:1
I’ve had it with these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane. Samuel L. Jackson. “Snakes on a Plane”
Ain’t no Lion, ain’t no Tiger, ain’t no Mamba Snake. Randy Newman, “Sail Away”( explaining to a little African boy why he should leave Africa and come with him to the American South).
As I was walking out of the house this morning my wife pointed out the headline of a story that was appearing on her default web site page. I think it is Google. The story was called “Giant invasive Snakes Threaten U.S.” Wow “ I said, what kind of snakes ? “I don’t know” she replied.” Where are they coming from? “ I asked. “I don’t know” she replied. “Have you read the story” I wondered. “No” she replied. “Are you going to read the story ? “ I inquired. “No” she said.
People all have different interests. Variety is the spice of life, or it used to be before salsa became so popular. Here my wife was one click away from finding out which giant snakes were invading the United States (and where) and she was not interested enough to even think about it. I, on the other hand, could think of nothing else.
It turned out to be as chilling as I thought a I found out when I got to work. Listen to this, tens of thousands, that’s right TENS of thousands of Burmese Pythons now populate the Everglades in Florida. The first ones were released by families that raised Pythons as pets and then grew tired of them (possibly after they grew to 18 feet long and ate the family dog). Then, after these first few few were released, “nature took its course” as the Kingfish once said about Chinchillas. The Burmese Python, who used to live in Burma damn it, when there was a Burma, and is actually somewhat endangered there, is now competing with alligators for the spot of the number one predator in the Florida Everglades. Do you know what they eat ? Alligators !
Now I must assume that they are eating small or baby alligators, but what kind of a country has this become where we have tens of thousands of 18 foot snakes roaming around Florida eating alligators ? Did you know about this ? Did you know that in Burma they used to occasionally kill and eat children and use their constrictive power to kill adults ?
When I was a kid I used to watch a show called “Jungle Theatre”. Every Saturday afternoon a Jungle movie would be shown. Tarzan, Jungle Jim, Bomba of the Jungle. These types of movies were once very popular because they were very cheap to make. A lot of the film was stock footage taken in Africa years before of a Rhino charging or an elephant spraying water. What always got to me were the snakes. Snakes and quicksand. Someone, usually a bad guy, was always getting squeezed to death by a snake on one of those shows. You’d get a little scared, but then you’d turn off the TV with the certain knowledge that while you might someday be burned beyond recognition in a nuclear holocaust, at least you did not have to worry about being squeezed to death, and possibly eaten, by an 18 foot long snake. At least you had that much going for you.
Now fast forward to the 21st century and there are more 18 foot snakes in this country than western wolves or buffalo. What went wrong ? What will be next ? Pockets of quicksand appearing in parking lots ?I mean could you even go to sleep at night if you lived near the Florida Everglades, knowing that you could be awakened any night by your spouse or child screaming that an 18 foot snake was crawling through the bedroom ?
So why don’t we do something ? Here is a comforting quote from the story “At this time we have no tools which would eradicate a large population of snakes once they have spread.” Where is this quote from ? USGS biologist Robert Reed in testimony before Congress ! The story also indicates (honest) that the biologists would feel a little insecure allowing small children to be wandering around near the snakes. My God, gold medal for those guys. Category ? “The Bleeding Obvious” as John Cleese use to say.
So there we have it. One of the most terrorizing things to hit this country since the killer bees got here, and Rayda had no interest in it. Well it’s a good thing for her that she’s married to me.