Monday, December 21, 2009

What's in the Daily News ?

I have actually sworn off of blogging Daily News stories (the New York
Daily News is my personal paper of record) but friend Griesel sent me
one today that I had to comment on.

In Memphis Tennessee, which is one large river away from being a
southern fried Gary, Indiana, a lawyer is being sued for biting off a
good part of the nose of a "self employed hairdresser" at a night
hotspot there called "Dish". Dish is a tapas bar in midtown Memphis
which I was lead to understand the last time I was in that city is a
place for the tonier Memphis folks to hang out.

The story is an odd one, and it comes from the New York Daily News makes
it better than an even bet that it is false. Greg Lambers, an attorney
with the Cochran law firm (you may recall the late Johnny from the
O.J. trial)had just consumed four Vodka Sodas and headed for the
restroom. Reports do not mention the alcoholic consumption of the soon
to be denosed Greg Herbers, if any, who walked into the same restroom a
short time later. Anyway, Herbers walks in and notices that all the
stalls and the urinals are in use (one of the urinals by lawyer
Lambers). He waits awhile and then becomes upset that one of the stalls
is occupied by two men, neither of whom is using the stall for its
"intended purpose". Hairdresser Herbers becomes understandingly peeved
as he sees no reason why his issue should not take precedence over what
is going on it the stall. After all, the stall was built for the exact
thing Herbers had in mind to do.

Herbers began screaming at the two gents in the stall who apparently
still refused to exit. Lambers, standing at the urinal is said to have
become incensed at Herbers' attitude and butts into the conversation,
weighing in on the side of the boys in the stall and whatever it is that
they are up to. At this point, testimony differs. Lambers claimed that
Herbers came at him and tried to put him in a headlock causing Lambers,
in self defense, to bite off most to the left nostril of Herbers.
Herbers claims that the attack was the other way around and that he is
down to his last nostril because of it. No word as to what happened to
the two guys in the stall.Herbers, of course, has sued Lambers for $7.5
million dollars claiming that he will have to have plastic surgery (I
have got to agree with him on that), a prosthetic nose and has lost a
portion of his sense of small.

Now nose biting is not quite an everyday occurrence, even in Memphis,
but there has been many a barroom brawl that has resulted in the loss of
a nose or ear. Why was this one newsworthy ? One thing to notice is that
every paper who ran with the story headlined it "lawyer bites nose" as
if the profession of the biter was relevant to the issue. As an
attorney, I am much agitated at this typical slur by the media on my
occupation. I have been called a leech, a blood sucker, a shylock and
numerous other things (my grandfather preferred horse thief) but I see
no reason to add "nose biter" to the list. I have never known of an
attorney who bit anyone's nose and I have never heard of an attorney
even contemplating such a thing. When I was very young I did once bite
Mark Roland's nosed because he had me pinned down and I could not move
my arms. I will admit that the nose can be a very tempting target when
you are in a tight spot, but how tight could this spot have been ?Did
Lambers honestly believe that he could not take out a hairdresser
without resorting to that ?

I was stunned to see that Mr. Lambers picture is still on the web site
of his firm. I assume this means they will stand by the young man in his
time of trouble. They might even get him out of this with the fabled
"small mouth" defense. As Johnny would have said, "if the nose does not
fit, you must acquit ".

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